Safety

Whether we have experienced physical insecurity or the emotional equivalent, our nervous system may have learned that safety is not guaranteed. Safety is the foundation on which our emotional life is built and our early childhood and family environment is often where this foundation is determined.

We may have experienced unpredictable caregiving or emotional neglect, criticism, shaming or harsh discipline, emotional volatility or felt responsible for adult emotions. Attachment disruptions, such as being separated from caregivers, as is the case in foster care, adoption, or parental separation can also lead to feelings of abandonment.

Instability can show up later as anxiety, hyper-vigilance, difficulty trusting, perfectionism or discomfort with relaxing – even when life is currently safe. Subtle, but chronic patterns may appear, such as feeling the need to perform to be accepted, feeling afraid to set boundaries, discounting your feelings or emotions in favour of placating others, continually adjusting your personality to those around you or trying to manage outcomes to reduce uncertainty. It may also show up as emotional overwhelm, low self-worth, self-doubt, avoidance or over-explaining.

Changing our environment may contribute to feelings of safety – predictable routines and keeping a clean and an organized space reduces background stress load. A consistent sleep schedule, regular meals, reduced caffeine intake and spending time in nature create more certainty. Safety is built through repetition as the environment becomes more stable.